The Four Temperaments

I recently read Understanding Your Child:  A Four Temperaments Guide to Effective Parenting by Bari Borsky and Judith Haney.  This was my first introduction to the four temperaments, but apparently they have been talked about in psychology circles for quite some time.  In fact, the temperaments are also a key component of Rudolph Steiner's ideas and Waldorf education.  This short, quick read was just an introduction to the temperaments, but it was really interesting to see how my temperament (Sanguine), shows up in my parenting, close family relationships, and friendships. 

Graph sourced from http://www.marriagecoachlynn.com/temperaments.html

The Four Temperaments have also made it into our cultural and artistic expressions.  In 1946, George Balanchine choreographed The Four Temperaments ballet with the New York City Ballet and music commissioned from Paul Hindemith. 

Endings and New Beginnings

Today was our last Parent-Infant class at our local Waldorf school.  It was such a joyful class to be in, and one that both Liam and I looked forward to each week.  I'm sad it's over!  There were two other moms and babies in the class, and it was led by a wonderful teacher.  We spent time each class observing our babies in silence, and watching how they interacted with each other and the various toys scattered about the floor.  Over 2 months, we witnessed each of our children tackle various challenges, explore their surroundings, and sometimes even crawl over one another as they moved about the floor.  And each of us moms learned from one another, shared resources, and made plans to continue getting together now that class is over. 

The class lay a foundation for how I hope to continue interacting with Liam.  I want to always be there to support, guide, and comfort him when he needs it.  But I also want him to learn how to overcome his challenges on his own.  If there is a toy that he wants that's just out of his reach, is he able to figure out a way to get to it without me interfering?  (He's rolling and moving a bit, but not crawling yet!)

When we first came home from the hospital, I honestly did not know how to interact with a baby.  I felt like I had to entertain him constantly when he was awake, and I put a lot of pressure on myself.  Recently I came across a video I took of Liam when he was about 6 weeks old.  I was blabbing to him in the background, but when you look at his face and eyes, you can see how disconnected and tired he was.  He just wanted to go to sleep and I was sitting there holding toys in front of him trying to engage him.

Now when I'm with Liam, I sit with him in silence for a while and just observe him.  I watch how he plays with his toys and how he moves about the room.  Today I watched him as he picked up a toy with his feet and passed it to his hands.  Brilliant!  My engagement with him is led by him.  If he's in the middle of independently doing something, I don't get involved.  Occasionally he'll look over at me, or he'll roll closer to my feet, or look like he wants to be picked up.  I know when he's tired by watching his eyes, and we immediately start our nap routine.  Sleep is another issue (and another post) that we're still working on, but I'm confident that we'll get there. 

I'm fully present when I'm with Liam, and it feels a bit like a meditation.  It's the simplest way to be.  Instead of feeling pressured to entertain him, I'm awed by all that he is discovering on his own.  I also don't feel guilty when I need to get up and work on something else.  Liam is comfortable being by himself for short periods of time, so I'll often leave him in a safe space (that's in hearing and visual distance of me) with his toys while I do laundry, send emails, or prepare a meal.  We've developed a balance that serves both of us, and one that I hope will be the foundation for our lives together.

I'm so grateful to the friends we've met and teachers we've had the joy of learning from.  New motherhood is filled with uncertainty, doubt, and sometimes even regret.  I still have those moments.  And I'm grateful that I have a foundation and plenty of resources to ground me when I get caught spinning thoughts and worries in my head.  

It Starts With a List

For a long time, I've carried around with me a list of ideas and topics I envisioned myself blogging about one day.  But, the present seems like the best place to start.  Would be blogs of the past - perhaps I'll come back to you another day.

Liam and I are taking a parent-infant class at our local Waldorf school.   It's a wonderful retreat from our week and a time for us to connect, observe one another, sing songs, and meet other moms and babies.  Last week our teacher gave us an assignment to list what activities give us energy and think about ways we can incorporate them into our day.  Here's my list:

And retyped for easier reading:

Energy Contributions
What I'm doing now:

• Yoga (1x per week and mini 5 minute sessions at home)
• Daily walks outdoors with Liam
• Reading
• Journaling/blogging
• Preparing our food each day
• Taking a bath at the end of a long day

What I want to do more of or learn:

• Surround our home with more plants
• Consciously add more art and beautiful objects to our home
• Run outdoors by myself
• Learn to knit, crochet & felt
• Incorporate crafting into my life
• Re-engage my musical life and begin playing flute again

It's difficult to remember to make time for yourself when you have an active baby to engage and an endless list of to-dos and chores.  But, I find that investing time in myself allows me the space to be able to give more to those who need me.

Spring is here.  Outdoor walks are necessary!