Vocation vs. Career vs. Motherhood

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about career, motherhood, and work-life balance (if there is such a thing).  I've sort of followed the national debates, but am not really inspired by the idea of "leaning in" or sacrificing the time I have with my son at any of his life stages in order to grow my career.  I want to continue working, but I also want to have that stay-at-home mom experience.  Basically, I want it both ways.  Maybe everyone does. 

Working when I have a baby at home isn't easy.  And I don't think it's ever going to be completely comfortable for me.  But, when I started to think of my career as my vocation, my uncertainty about working became more clear. 

A vocation is connected to your larger sense of self; your life's work; your purpose.  I realized - I'm not interested in working and being away from my family unless my work is connected to a larger purpose. 

The work I'm doing now is, I feel, connected to something of a larger purpose and mission.  I'm proud of that.  So for now, I've decided it feels right. 

It's a balancing act every day.  But, my son is happy and secure, we can still get dinner on the table (most nights), and have a bit of fun in between our work. 

"You don't step out of the stream of your life to do your work.  Work [is] the life, and who you [are] as a mother, teacher, friend, citizen, activist, and artist [is] all the same person." - Ann Patchett in This is the Story of a Happy Marriage. 

Reconnecting and Catch Up

Hi.  It's been two months.  Are you still there, all 5 of my readers?  I'm guessing not.  But that's okay.  I've missed writing in this space, and one of my many intentions for 2014 is to get a rhythm and flow into this blog so that I'm updating it at least a few times per month.  But I'm not gonna lie - it's been a tough balance with full time + motherhood and wifehood, part time working, and carving out small spaces of time for myself. 

I write today from my favorite neighborhood spot, having just finished my first real yoga class in months.  Bliss. 

But it's taken a long time to get here. 

November started off with Liam's 1 year birthday party, and rounded into December with each of us taking turns getting a yucky head cold virus thing that I hope we never have to meet again.  Then, Thanksgiving.  Then a visit from the BFF for our Annual Christmas Tea (not to be missed!)  Then Christmas Craziness.  And then we traveled to the Left Coast (aka best coast) to introduce Liam to some extended family.  All wonderful things (except that cold), that left me with 0 time to invest anywhere else.

And I had a few breakdowns about it.  I don't do well when I can't do yoga.  Or write.  Or have any time to myself.  I love experiencing everything that life has to offer.  (Remember, I'm a Sanguine!)  But I also have very introverted qualities in that I regain energy by being by myself. 

So, here we are.  Just beginning the adventures that 2014 will bring.  My husband and I are working on shifting a few things around so that we can regain the space that we both need.  For example, I'm taking my Saturday mornings back.  When I first started working, I felt selfish being gone from the house, PLUS taking Saturday mornings to do yoga or work on something for myself.  Not anymore. 

My husband switched his gym membership to a gym closer to his office so he could work out right before or after work, and still make it home by 7pm for the Liam bed time routine. We'll see how it continues to go and make adjustments as needed. 

For now, I'm glad to be back, sharing things that I find interesting, writing about what I want to remember, and reflecting on life with a 1-year old. 

New Years Day Sunset on Meditation Mount, Ojai, CA

Some Exciting News

We recently made a big decision and I've decided to go back to work part time.  It's been an adjustment, and two weeks in, we have a new rhythm that I'm still settling into.  Even though I'm only contracted for part time hours and my job allows for some wonderful flexibility, my energy level at the end of the week is nearly depleted, and I've been finding myself spending my Fridays off napping and lounging while Liam naps.  My house is a mess, I have a whole collection of unfinished projects, and right now I'm struggling to balance work, time with Liam, time with my husband, and time to myself.  However, I made the decision to start working again for a few reasons:

• I love my work, and it's an extension of myself that I didn't want to lose a connection to.  Working with nonprofit organizations is such a joy for me, and I wanted to continue developing my skills.  
• I wanted to continue building my resume.  I knew the longer I was out of the professional work force, the harder it would be for me to get back into it when I was completely ready.  
• I didn't look very hard for a new position this year, but thought a lot about what I would want if I did decide to go back to work.  This position hits everything on my wish list, and felt too awesome to pass up.  I love my new colleagues and have been enjoying the new challenges.  

But, it's been an adjustment for both Liam and myself.  I work from home half the time, and even though I only have to leave the house for 5-6 hours at a time, I've had some mini breakdowns about it.  It's hard for me to let go and allow someone else to put Liam down for a nap, feed him his lunch, and take him to a music class.  

They say it gets easier with time.  I hope.  

I've always had such respect for women who work full time and balance motherhood.  I truly don't know how they do it.  And I also have a newfound respect for women who stay home full time.  I'm not completely sure how they do it, either, although I was home for Liam's first 9 months.  For myself, I feel like I want the best of both worlds.  I'm grateful that I have a choice.  And I bow to honor every woman out there, no matter what choices they make for themselves and their families.