Vocation vs. Career vs. Motherhood

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about career, motherhood, and work-life balance (if there is such a thing).  I've sort of followed the national debates, but am not really inspired by the idea of "leaning in" or sacrificing the time I have with my son at any of his life stages in order to grow my career.  I want to continue working, but I also want to have that stay-at-home mom experience.  Basically, I want it both ways.  Maybe everyone does. 

Working when I have a baby at home isn't easy.  And I don't think it's ever going to be completely comfortable for me.  But, when I started to think of my career as my vocation, my uncertainty about working became more clear. 

A vocation is connected to your larger sense of self; your life's work; your purpose.  I realized - I'm not interested in working and being away from my family unless my work is connected to a larger purpose. 

The work I'm doing now is, I feel, connected to something of a larger purpose and mission.  I'm proud of that.  So for now, I've decided it feels right. 

It's a balancing act every day.  But, my son is happy and secure, we can still get dinner on the table (most nights), and have a bit of fun in between our work. 

"You don't step out of the stream of your life to do your work.  Work [is] the life, and who you [are] as a mother, teacher, friend, citizen, activist, and artist [is] all the same person." - Ann Patchett in This is the Story of a Happy Marriage. 

12, 13, and 14 months old

I've fallen off the wagon with the Liam growth updates, so here are three months in one.  Bonus, right?!  I'm also going to change up the way I write about his growth & development, to more reflect how I think about the changes.  (Or more accurately, how I think about everything these days:  in bullet points).

The inner workings of my mind looks a lot like this:

• Wake-up
• Shower
• Make breakfast
• Make our meal plan this week
• Answer emails
• Liam started running today
• Prep dinner for tonight while listening to my favorite NPR show
• If it's a Monday, Tuesday, or Thursday - Work
• Liam discovered what a dog sounds like, and now barks on cue (Arf!)
• Call back a friend
• Etc.

We've taken a lot of photos, so half the battle was uploading them all and picking out my favorites.  This was a bullet point in my mental to do list.  Another bullet point has been to write this blog.  I've been thinking a lot about what contributes to my energy lately, and what depletes it.  And then trying to organize my activities around what gives me energy.  It's hard.  Especially hard when I'm used to saying "yes" - enthusiastically - to everything.  And then kicking myself later when I feel overwhelmed and stressed.

It's been a snowy and cold winter here, and much of our January and February have been spent inside.  Which, probably, has been good for both me and Liam.  I like always having something to do or someplace to go.  But, the past few months I've had to learn to get creative with indoor activities for a 14 month old.  We play a lot of hide-and-seek.  We look out the window a lot, and say hello to the squirrels in the tree.  (and then sometimes, we get confused about the sound that a squirrel makes, and we bark at the squirrel). We climb a lot on the furniture (always supervised, of course).

The other day, during our latest snow storm, I decided on a whim to make homemade finger paints (mix equal parts flour and water, mix in food coloring, and BAM.  Finger paints!)  That activity lasted 10 minutes.  But clean up lasted over an hour.  So, that gave us something to do for a while. 

Liam, your growth and development has really taken off, and it's been fun to witness.  I don't know how much you weigh or how tall you are right now.  But, I do know that a few weeks ago, you fit really well under our table and it was an awesome place to play fort and hide-and-seek.  Fast forward just a week, and you're bumping your head on the table trying to run underneath it.

You have 8 teeth, with your 1 year molars slowly (too slowly!) inching your way to the surface.  


You successfully:

• climb on our couch
• climb on the rocking chair in your room
• climb on the toilet seat (?!?!?!)
• open doors
• reach on top of our bathroom counters and grab random things

Words you currently say:

• Touch (first word!)
• That
• This
• Switch
• Hot
• Hat
• All done (while giving the all done sign language sign)
• High chair
• Dada 
• Bye-Bye
• (You also understand quite a few words:  vacuum, bubbles, magazine, book)

Words you currently sign:

• Eat
• Water
• All done
• Milk
• Mama (Mama and milk go together, a lot!)
• Dada
• Sleep/bed
• Light
• Diaper

Things you eat:

• All breakfast food.  It seems to be your favorite meal. 
• Still obsessed with blueberries & bananas & apple sauce
• Recently discovered a love for grapefruit
• Eggs
• Cheese
• Bread
• Snack packs
• Some meat - especially pork, turkey bacon, and sometimes ground beef
• You'll occasionally eat beans
• (Side Note:  I'm nervous you're not eating enough.  We offer you food all day long (3 meals and 2 snacks), but you don't always take it.  Even if it's really good!   I know I need to trust that you know when you need to eat.  But, it still makes me nervous!)

Sleeping:

• We had a rough go there for a while in January.  I won't speak about it.  It was traumatic.  You were teething, we had just gotten back from a week long trip on the West Coast.  You were probably in a sleep regression.  We also were sort of transitioning you from two naps a day to one.  I cried a lot. 
• Now, we're in a good space, so your Daddy and I are enjoying this new sleeping phase.  You're officially solid on one nap per day, usually around noon.  That nap is anywhere from 1.5-3 hours. 
• Depending on how your nap went that day, you'll go to bed between 7:30 and 8:30pm.  
• You'll usually sleep until 6 or 6:30.  Sometimes 7:30.  
• I feel like I've won the sleep lottery this week.  

Favorites:

• Your shape sorter toys
• A set of artfully done flash cards, where you ask me to name the objects on each card
• Running all over the place; Climbing on everything; hiding things in our boots & shoes
• Playing in the bath
• Pointing to a book, and then picking it up, bringing it over to me, and sitting down on my lap, settling in to read.  

My favorites:

• Hearing your reaction when you make new discoveries.  You go "ohhh!", with wide eyes.
• Watching you dance to music
• Spying on you when you play with your toys (you play remarkably well by yourself for a while).
• Looking out the window with you, saying hello to the squirrels, birds, and dogs.  
• Playing hide-and-seek with you

Handmade Thank You Cards

This year, I decided to make my own thank you cards for the holidays.  Some friends and I got together for a crafting day, and it was the perfect opportunity to try some new things!  I love how these cards turned out, and definitely plan to keep doing this throughout the year.

Paper Source (my new obsession) is a great place to source the materials needed for this project.  Here's what I used:

• Envelopes and paper 
• Pretty paper to line the envelopes
• Envelope liner template kit
• Tape runner
• Rubber stamps
• Stamp pads (ColorBox is the best!  You want high quality stamp pads)
• Embossing Powder (I only buy clear, gold, and silver embossing powder and then invest in different color stamp pads.  You can get more versatility this way.)
• Embossing Heat Tool (you will not regret this purchase)

The whole project takes about an hour.  Anything that can be completed in one toddler nap time is golden in my book.

An Annual Holiday Tea

Every year for the last eight years, my Mom, BFF, and I have celebrated with an annual holiday tea.  I've known my friend and her family since we were both 12 years old, and our friendship has spanned years living in separate places during HS and college, coming back to live close by after college, and now again living hundreds of miles away from one another. 

She's a friend I'm so grateful to have in my life.

We're both committed to this holiday tea every year, and will travel to make it happen!  This year, she came back to DC since it's still hard for me to solo travel overnight when I'm breastfeeding Liam. 

Here are a few pictures from our day.  We went down to Pinkadilly Tea House in Frederick, VA (which is such a cute little town I had never explored before!)  The tea house is so pink, girly, and ridiculous, it made me daydream about having a little girl to bring down there. 

Liam's Birthday Celebration

Well, it's two months later, but it wouldn't seem right to track Liam's growth for most of his first year without reflecting a bit on his 1-year birthday.  I learned some big lessons with kid birthday party planning.  And that is - not to take on TOO much.  It was great.  But it was stressful.

My two favorite moments from the day were those that took no planning whatsoever.

On the eve of Liam's birthday, the husband and I lit a candle, read him a special bedtime story, and ended with the following poem from the Birthday Book.

“When i have said my evening prayer,

and my clothes are folded on my chair,

Mommy and Daddy switch off the light,

I'll still be 11 months old tonight.

But from the very break of day,

before the children rise and play,

before the darkness turns to gold,

tomorrow I'll be one years old…

One kiss when i wake,

one candle on my cake.

A goodnight kiss for the eleven month old

to send him to sleep and to dreaming.

And blessings to the one year old

who'll be carried from bed in the morning.”

Then I lay with him and snuggled him into sleep for a long long time.  I thought about our year together, our birth, and how much this little being has changed our lives in so many ways. 

The morning of the big day was a Friday.  Our out of town family had yet to arrive, and my husband went into work.  It was just Liam and me all day long.  And I was thrilled.  I made him a big batch of special pumpkin pancakes and we spent half the day in our pajamas.  

His birthday party was the next day on Saturday afternoon.  I did way too much and exhausted myself.  I had quite a bit of help from family, but still, it was too much.  The pictures below prove the party actually happened, but I honestly don't remember too much of it.  Instead, I'm happy to have the two memories above to mark his 1 year.  And I'm already thinking about how I'll simplify for his 2-year birthday party.  

 

Reconnecting and Catch Up

Hi.  It's been two months.  Are you still there, all 5 of my readers?  I'm guessing not.  But that's okay.  I've missed writing in this space, and one of my many intentions for 2014 is to get a rhythm and flow into this blog so that I'm updating it at least a few times per month.  But I'm not gonna lie - it's been a tough balance with full time + motherhood and wifehood, part time working, and carving out small spaces of time for myself. 

I write today from my favorite neighborhood spot, having just finished my first real yoga class in months.  Bliss. 

But it's taken a long time to get here. 

November started off with Liam's 1 year birthday party, and rounded into December with each of us taking turns getting a yucky head cold virus thing that I hope we never have to meet again.  Then, Thanksgiving.  Then a visit from the BFF for our Annual Christmas Tea (not to be missed!)  Then Christmas Craziness.  And then we traveled to the Left Coast (aka best coast) to introduce Liam to some extended family.  All wonderful things (except that cold), that left me with 0 time to invest anywhere else.

And I had a few breakdowns about it.  I don't do well when I can't do yoga.  Or write.  Or have any time to myself.  I love experiencing everything that life has to offer.  (Remember, I'm a Sanguine!)  But I also have very introverted qualities in that I regain energy by being by myself. 

So, here we are.  Just beginning the adventures that 2014 will bring.  My husband and I are working on shifting a few things around so that we can regain the space that we both need.  For example, I'm taking my Saturday mornings back.  When I first started working, I felt selfish being gone from the house, PLUS taking Saturday mornings to do yoga or work on something for myself.  Not anymore. 

My husband switched his gym membership to a gym closer to his office so he could work out right before or after work, and still make it home by 7pm for the Liam bed time routine. We'll see how it continues to go and make adjustments as needed. 

For now, I'm glad to be back, sharing things that I find interesting, writing about what I want to remember, and reflecting on life with a 1-year old. 

New Years Day Sunset on Meditation Mount, Ojai, CA